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this is what long covid feels like [CW: body horror illustration, occasional art nudity]

2025-8-9 Is this MCAS anaphylaxis, anxiety, or anaphylaxis from anxiety?

the figure in the center of the bookmark is made up of layers of three different inks. a thin lined red ink roughly evokes the circulatory system of the body, and in the face makes concentric pulsing rings. a chiseled dark teal  ink starts with jagged reflection of a high heart pounding, bursting, exploding, almost tearing through the paper. the lines echo throughout the body, slowly becoming thinner, slowly further more spread apart. lastly a dark green of varying thicknesss. there's a screwed up face, and then all around the body, flicking up and down around off of it in a frantic are thin thin pale lines almost like the feeling of bugs or something that can't be chased away the feeling the something's there it's all around and from multiple angles what is going on what the fuck is it

2025-8-9 Is this MCAS anaphylaxis, anxiety, or anaphylaxis from anxiety?

I almost didn’t want to share this one, because I’m in a bit of a nervous state, and I was worried about the people who think people with Long Covid are psychological malingerers, etc. When I had to leave work, and filed for US Social Security Disability, I kept my Generalized Anxiety Disorder out of my initial application, afraid of getting the dreaded “just anxiety,” dismissal that many complex chronic illness kin are familiar with. (I was later told this was a bad move, and to definitely include all mental health and neurodivergence things, which I did for the ongoing process.)

Even as I’m having less anaphylaxis risk, it’s taking time to recover psychologically. I told my therapist how I felt like I backslid over a decade in mental health work overnight from the first recent anaphylaxis episode. She kindly said that while I might feel as scared and threatened as I often did back then, that the trigger was different. I was not feeling that anxious about an email, I was feeling that way about a literal life and death situation, one which I still don’t fully understand the triggers of.

A decade ago, de-stigmatizing mental healthcare was really important to me too. Now, I’m especially aware of how much these issues intersect, so heck yeah, publishing the medical art about anxiety.

Lastly, I wanted to include few examples of the ways in which these issues intersect. These are absolutely the tip of the iceberg.

  • Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome, or POTS, is a form of autonomic dysfuntction (when things your body normally does automatically stop behaving normally), and is a part of my Long Covid. It involves a high heart rate, and often symptoms like room spinning or lightheadedness, trembling or shaking, shortness of breath, and poor bloodflow. POTS is often misdiagnosed as anxiety, and The Disabled Ginger wrote about it here.

Theories that diseases are caused by mental states and can be cured by will power are always an index of how much is not understood about the physical terrain of a disease.

Moreover, there is a peculiarly modern predilection for psychological explanations of a disease, as of everything else. Psychologizing seems to provide control over the experiences and events (like grave illnesses) over which people have in fact little or no control. Psychological understanding undermines the ‘reality’ of a disease. That reality has to be explained.

Susan Sontag, illness as metaphor (New York: Farrar, Straus and Giroux, 1977), p. 55.

p.s. mental health is physical health and physical health is mental health. you got a literal brain in your body and all of your body is involved in everything that you do. please take care of yourselves and each other. <3

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